Why would anyone fuck themselves over this way, i mean for fucksakes; this shit isn't childsplay? Fucked in the head? Life full of regret? Fighting all fucking day long? God dammit this shit makes you strong? But it also fucks you up one time, even worst for you than pink slime. Deep inside you start rotting at the core; and then? All you want is more? Crazy shit! Jip, thatsit!
Complete totally and utterly fucked praying for a new day. Really? Are you trying to pray this shit away! Not happening, well definately not today. How many times more? When am I gonna end up lifeless on the fucking floor? I promise you its not worth all this aches and pain and anyone else wouldve long ago gone insane. Always chasing the clock. Tick-fucking-tock. Run, make a mission - just keep the cold-turkey away. Same thing over and over day by day. Heroine, smack, junk, H even horse, call it what you want either way you'll end up with so much fucking remorse. So much to give and so much to loose so sit back, nod, pass out and snooze.
Day in and day out you are worried about dying but constantly about youre health you are lying? Cramps, aches and pains and at all not well, no one knows cause they're not even remotely aware of my hell. Constantly stoned out of my mind, dont worry - im not the only one of my kind. All pin eyed and zombiefaced - brain and blood completely with opiates laced. Story of my life? Constant strife? Saddest part is that I know one choice will take all this shit away and then once and all end this game of russian roulette that i sooo badly like to play. Braindead, sick needle obsession in my head. Fear of needles long gone now that shit gets used for fun? What the fuck! jesus christ! I need more than just luck!!!
'I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.'
Douglas Adams
Staving off the clucking... ukh. I am stopping. Yet again. Heroin. And I tell myself to remember how shitty I felt last time I was clucking (and I'm talking about really mild clucking here, waking up at 6am feeling nauseated and freezing cold with the methadone right there but having to wait well over an hour for it actually to WORK... THAT is bad enough for me. I've done the full cold turkey Hard Detox more than a decade enough and that was... Well I hate to be negative, but barely worth living through! Know what I mean..?
ReplyDeleteAnyway good luck going towards wherever you ARE going... wherever that may be...