What else left to say? Please take this pain away? Cutting and ripping flesh from bone and skin, looking back for answers to questions like: where did this shit actually begin? How in the name of god did you fall into this trap? And how the fuck can one get addicted to this crap? Cause i promise you that this shit is really not a smidgen of fun, constantly craving, missioning, scoring and always on the run. Saddest part is that this one isn't a 'want' but a 'need', with an added bonus of constant cravings you have to feed. Normality and sobriety is a strangeness you fear - while you start losing your mind when cold-turkey draws near. Whole life and schedule planned around using? And its one of the things in life you are not choosing, not in control in any way, like a game of russian roulette with 5 bullets to play. Fearing the sweat that starts breaking and covers your back - trickeling in an uncomfortable stream down through your crack. Shivering and sneezing and for your mood there is just no pleasing. Everythings wrong and nothing is right, miserable, edgy, short-tempered and all you want to do is fight. Not even enough energy to lift your ass though. Vision gone, systyem fucked and reflexes from non-exsistant to very extremely slow. Millions of lost thoughts scattered all over nowhere, no way in life for this hell to prepare: you quickly pick it up as you go along, and the moment you had it everything just went pearshaped and wrong. The hate, struggling and suffering nearly kills you and that makes you hard, agressive and cold, it feels as if your soul to the devil you sold. A part of you forever lost and the rest changed; everything else is fucked and totally and completely rearranged. Change, change, change! But you believe normality is strange? Once again no sense in what im writing? thinking so hard my lip im biting? All i know is now i have to turn it around, fix everything and do it right. With everything that i have, love and hold dear put up one last fight...
'No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.'
Monday, 22 April 2013
Sunday, 21 April 2013
Sometimes this whole life feels like a deep and dark dream. A perpetual state of deja-vu, familiarity, something youve experieced, felt and seen. Really not too much left to say, just going forward trying to make the best of every day? Charging myself up as positively and as much as i can, constantly bullshitting myself and telling myself that Im the fucking man!
Deep dark foggy memories swamped with anger and pain, constantly up the wall and driving me completely insane. Never ever thinking that youre gonna see the end of this shit, death seems like an answer but no, thats not it? A bit extreme and dramatic i might say, especially when you might feel different about it the next day? Fucked in the head? Atleast i have no regrets?
'Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.'
Friday, 19 April 2013
'The more I see the less I know for sure.'
Thursday, 18 April 2013
'Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.'
Monday, 15 April 2013
'In this bright future you can't forget your past.'
Bob Marley - No woman no cry
Sunday, 14 April 2013
"A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself."
Saturday, 13 April 2013
'Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.'
Friday, 12 April 2013
'The basic thing nobody asks is why do people take drugs of any sort? Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live? I mean, is there something wrong with society that's making us so pressurized, that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?'
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Have an arguement with yourself and loose? Its a fucking miracle i dont drown all my sorrows in booze. I dont think there is any sense in what ive written here? Atleast about that fact im being honest and sincere? Still writing on without a fucking clue? It will probably make sense to someone who sniffs a bit of glue?
See what im saying is true about the not making sense? Gawd! Whoever reads this will probably think im quite dense? But i dont actually give a fuck what anyone thinks about me, aslong as you just let me the fuck be. Just chill the fuck out and go and play, is it too much to ask for peace and quiet for a single day?
Brains fried, tear ducts dried, long long day, please just go away. Time will tell, heaven or hell...
"The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything."
Chuck Palahniuk , Fight Club
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
'We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.'
'Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.'
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
So confusion is the order of the day while one is slowly waking up or rapidly opening up in stages beyond comprehension - the trick is not to fight it and dont try to force it either (sorta like a fingertrap) but unfortunately for those who are not aware of what is happening to them (they just feel depressed, annoyed, irritated and sometimes completely out of it - usually when there is a full moon). Altho the fact they dont know what is happening to them is helping them wake up faster it might also force them to seek professional help which unfortunately in the system doesnt reconize things like sound, vibration, conciousness, spirituality, i mean gawd it doesnt even reconize the fact you have chackras (which play such an important part on our mental and physical health) and you can measure your chakras using a crystal. Doctors don't solve the problem they try to put together a general idea of whats wrong with your 3rd dimentional physical body and try to match it to what he got hammered into believing diseases are and if he cant numb you out enough with valium(which makes u stop feeling and growing) then its off to the shrink we go and immediately its depression or bi-polar - now you feed into the idea that you are depressed or bi-polar and the brain is so strong in that sense that it overrides all logic (or whatever you see as logic in your reality or whatever the system or education told you reality should be?) and now you just get worse and worse until you get to the point of being referred to the big gun, the psyciatrist, the one that has the power to really numb you out with meds if they cant convince you into being better. Im depressed, im bi-polar, gawd everythng is just wrong in my life (cause by now you've convinced youself you are suicidal and no! Stay away man,im crazy...look into these crazy eyes type of thing) and then he just thinks: ah, how do we numb this out? Not, how do we solve this? No, schedule 6 the good stuff, also the stuff where it feels you walk next to yourself and you have these long dreams that continue everytime after you wake up and fall asleep again and at the end of the day what do we have? A person thats busy waking up on a spiritual level but due to modern medicine is zonked out of his or her mind and reality is just a vague dream - and thats what they wanted from the beginning, that is exactly why the system is set up the way it is. If you live above this dimention it means you are in the 4th dimention 'time' and what that means is that you can basically see that it doesnt exist, and if you have evolved thru the complete understanding of the fact that time is relevant then youll be able to see that the past, present and future are happening at excactly the same time and youll be able to set up plans accordingly sorta like from the 'william shakepear conspiricy' (i kinda like how evrything these days that goes against what the system wants us to think conveniently gets labeled: 'conspiricy' but anyway) to Hollywood today - you might think to yourself what the hell does the one have to do with the other? Thats how a plan over ages would look and work if you didnt have time as a hurdle, start something that creates a huge divide and watch it grow and blossom into the modern version of 'the holy bush' but anyway that another story). And now most people who are waking out of this slumber gets knocked right back because the basis for our understanding, the 'education' system gives us a base to build on and this doesnt teach us anything meta-physical. Its simple: if you cant touch or measure it it simply doesnt exist, so anything above and beyond what we got taught is normal you ignore otherwise you get laughed at for being crazy? And we wonder why the world is in the mess it is in? Even though we were conned into believing that everything we got taught is right and fact we need to break out of this prison of lies we are all locked in. Stop giving our powwer away and start thinking for ourselves and only then when you find the truth, the meaning of life, the big mystery which isnt actually that much of a mystery, then only will you be free...
'Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!'
Sunday, 7 April 2013
'Our greatest glory is not in never falling, butin rising every time we fall.'