A new world

Every single morning as i open my eyes and start focussing i can see things that things are changing, things are brighter, everything looks lighter. Always have thought differently than everyone else i know, always pushed to the side, laughed at or cast out cause of my ideas. But when my journey started? There was no stopping it, my thirst for the truth became unbearable and when you really want it the universe delivers and the truth is NOT always the answer you want. And dont think its gonna cause people to accept you more - its good i got used to being the outcast long ago otherwise i wouldve backed out of this journey long ago just to make my life easier - all of a sudden im happy that i was addicted for nearly 20yrs, talk about a blessing in disguise. I wouldve been so caught up in what others wanted of me and what i have to buy and do to impress people that are only there cause the times are good then i wouldve missed the whole point but anyway. When shattering your indoctrination it literally feels like your world gets shaken when you start to realize that everything they ever taught you is a lie, a lie that your parents told you with all the love and good intent in their hearts - sad but true. Constantly looking at the clock @ 11:11 - i mean i even had an accident one morning @ 11:11, a guy showed me 'lets go', i was slipstreaming him on my scooter and all of a sudden he just stopped infront of me and when i got up he drove off? I actually have to thank him cause that really WOKE me up but not wake me up to appreciate life more, no! A different awake, awake to a different reality and since then its been escelating in leaps and bounds. Every question i have gets answered, after i understood unconditional love for others and unconditional love for myself the game has changed completely - some days it feels like there is light shining down into my head, through my body, out my spinning chakras in the front and in my hands, my hands are sometimes so hot others can feel it and responds to the heat - and on cold mornings aswell so dont even think about it. Understanding and knowledge isnt just in my head anymore its part of me, things that i didnt even know bothered me plays of in my head, it fills my body completely from the soles of my feel to the top of my head and when im 'full' it gets pulled out, i can physically feel something being taken out of me and then i feel lighter afterwards but cant keep my eyes open, im talking have to fight to keep them open, i fall asleep and wake up a new me. Same with knowledge; it feels like i 'download' it, my brain tears, i HAVE to sleep and wake up new. I dont even see the 'now', its as if im looking from the top and see everything as a whole. Used to worry about humanity and weep, now i see new hope cause if this is where we are headed... its gonna be amazing!! Well thats enough crazy for one day i suppose but theres a lot more where that comes from...Losing it? I dont think so...


'You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.'


Buddha

Indoctrination 101

Living in a world where we can with all honesty say that evrything we get taught is a lie and that is a sad but scary fact. Ontop of our beautiful planet is a thick layer to disonnect us from out natural energy and from there on up everything is built out of lies. This huge system running fullsteem everyday, for what purpose? to which means? What is it actually achieving? Billions of hypnotized zombies addicted to television, fashion and status. Millions of people that will spend most of their money on the most expensive flatscreen tvs, guess handbags, nike shoes and a new ipad and cellphone they can afford but as little possible on food and health - always the cheapest food, cheapest meds. Generation upon generation have been lied to about who and what we really are that by the time the lie got told to us, it got told to us with conviction by people who really believed it and the intention was so good and pure who were we to question it. We have no real traditions cause everything we celebrate is based on more and more lies. Most people go through their whole lives believing it and spreading it with passion, selling it and even buying it, even believing you need the system to survive. Most people pay monthly to get brainwashed or shall i say satelite tv, cabel, tivo and the people who dont have money wish they could afford the brainwashing, people sitting infront of the tv all day flipping channels cause there is nothing on? If there is nothing on why are you still sitting there but anyway. People so badly want that glossy magazine in the plastic bag with the deoderant sample included so that someone else can tell then how to look, what to wear and what to buy. Pointing out every flaw on already flawlessly photoshopped models and actors not just making them feel inferior but also wiring you up negatively, to always look for the wrong just due to the very negative angle of the media towards the people they supposedly adore and are quite clearly their bread and butter? The news or what has been deduced to be called news isnt their bread and butter anymore its just another way of scaring you into feeling happy with your crappy live which is supposed to be normal? More worried about david beckhams hairstyle than the world being stolen by bankers. Slowly moving to the final version of newspeak george orwells dream mentality. And alot of people cant even feel that there is something wrong? When you start asking the right questions nothing makes sense, for a while that is. When you finally unplug from all the media brainwashing crap and advertising propoganda bullshit and you wake up then reality starts to change. You need alternative views of the everything, you need to start questioning those beliefs that got forced into you with all the love in the world by people who didnt know better. Start unrooting and breaking the indoctrination thats been going on for generations. All the brainwashing the goverment forces your parents to send you to and pay for needs to be broken down. All the old systems we dont need anymore. A good start is erich von daniken chariots of the gods, im not saying believe everything he says but the questions he asks is just right to change something, sorta like the way you change after a trip, suttle but definite. Read diffrent religious scripts and find out why that is so taboo or so simular? Curiosity never killed any cat. Then try Zecharia Sitchin the earth chronicles, once again be so careful of all the misinformation out there, i mean his 3rd book the lost realms makes no sense but its a deliberate coverup for the remnants of atlantis and the ancestral knowledge the native americans had - same as his theory on the moon but still. Then you need to understand the manifulation thats going on and a good book for that is David Icke ...and the truth shall set you free or the biggest secret - and yes i know the names are quite ironic but they state the puropose, its more about getting your head out of your arse and waking up to what is going on in the world. Same as the documentried Zeitgeist and Zeitgeist addendum its not all true but it shakes your mind out of its box and then you start looking for the truth. Conspiracy theory, conspiracy facts, confusion, powerlessness, huge journey of self discover and the more you look the more it finds you. Once you are aware of how you are being manifulated you go to the why part and thats when you start finding your true self, your higher self, your spiritual path is well on its way, understanding the wisdom of the mystic master and the seat of the soul. The higher purpose in your life, realizing that you are not just 3dimentional, not just a physical body, just the way your soul manifests in this playgound we were born into with a veil of secrecy so that we can deliberately forget who we really are for the learning experience of spiritual growth. Follow your own path, listen to your heart, follow ur feminine energies, intuition, love, understanding. Forget about 3rd dimentional thinking, follow your unique path to enlightenment, want it and look for it and it will find you. A seed of conciousness is planted in the mind of those who observe it...

'Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ascension 101

Feeling so weird, so different; it feels like my feet are on the ground but my head is 'higher' than normal(concidering my history thats quite ironic i suppose), light seems brighter, everything looks lighter and i know it might sound strange but its not my brain thats fried(i know how that feels - trust me...completely different but anyway). Got confirmation from my higher self(not my high self) im not crazy but no one else seems to believe me and this sparks alot of emotional ups and downs and then it just starts building and building and it feels like i wanna tear something, punch something, throttle someone...and then from my heart it feels like the emotion is soaking through my body and when its everywhere inside me it feels like it gets pulled out of me. Immediately i feel lighter and better but so tired i cant keep my eyes open, fall asleep, wake up and feel like a million bucks. It started weeks apart but started getting more and more frequent and closer and closer together. Sometimes from the soles of my feet it feels like something is building inside me slowly and gradually moving up and up, layer upon layer untill it reaches the top of my head - feel weird, tired, cant move, dont want to get up, cant sleep and eventually fall asleep, wake up new and different person. When this all started it felt like a light shining down into the middle of my head and into my brain, all of a sudden it feels like im downloading something, face pulling, head shaking, thinking so badly untill it feels like my brain tears, so tired cant keep my eyes open, fall asleep, wake up a different person and this has also happened more than once, exactly the same feeling. Generally im healthy & dont believe in cold sores and headaches but the other day i had the worse headache (and two weeks after the same), it was so bad that i threw up like the fat guy in monty python's meaning of life but it felt like something(a drop to be excact) was squeezing its way throught the exact middle of my brain, after the pain that felt like my head was exploding was done and the 'drop' was through; wherever it touched or was absorbed into it looked and felt like soft pieces of a reflection of light in a broken mirror. except for the constantly runny nose without a cold its not all bad the emotional up and down is hectic but the feeling afterwards is amazing. Its constantly feeling as if im standing in a door stepping forward and backwards, higher and lower. Its not medication and its not lsd backflashes(i know how those feel aswell but anyway again) cause its emotional changes i can feel physically. Same as the spinning wheels in the front of my body(and my hands) that when they feel off balance i can start at the bottom and balance then from the bottom to the top, one by one in meditation with certain affirmations. I understand everything, i understand the bigger picture, it is really as if im recieving information from somewhere in sessions small enough to make it feel like my head is burning and my brain tearing but massive enough to shift my perspective, tiring but inspiring. But grasping it is like one of those chinese(i think it is-it could be japanese??)fingertraps, you have to let go and relax to grasp it cause the moment you focus and think about it too much it feels like its starting to slip away, dont think it feel. You cant solve it by analyzing it you have to feel it with your heart, your intuition and when you grasp it you cant stop talking not just to share but also to work through and really undertand for your own personal self and growth. I used to think im crazy but ive realized im far from. Just a pity the people i love and care for most thinks im crazy and ive lost it but since i understand there is no right or wrong the value of the experience is amazing. If you love yourself you love and accept others cause the things that annoy you in other people are the things that bother you about yourself so by loving and accepting yourself unconditionally you love and accept others more. But thats just my opionion and personal experience of a situation - and thats why we are here: a complete human experience, polarity integration...

'He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.'

Douglas Adams

The cure for addiction - again?

You know that overcoming addiction is actually alot easier than what shrinks and most people whos beliefs are based in 3d says it is. All that shit you constantly say in groups about 'being powerless over my fucking progressive disease'(good justification tho) and 'hi im neil and im a fuckup and a junkie' is bullshit. It took me 20yrs of addiction to figure out that is not a problem you can change by thinking, it doesnt matter how fucking clever you think you are - you cant out think this motherfucker of a thing(and i say thing with lots of respect cause this 'thing' raped, shaped, bent me over, broke me, showed me whos boss for years, had me in tears, contemplating suicide, a heroin overdose sounds like a romantic why to end this miserable thing you call an existance and then the awakening - lots of respect). You can only change it by the way you see and feel - about yourself and about the world. Cause if you can understand that you(your body) is a physical manifestation of the sumtotal of your emotions and how you feel about yourself and your life is a reflection of the way you feel about the world then its not that complicated - now its not that difficult to see where the fuckup comes in? Then all you have to do is shift your focus; from how shit and fucked up it is to be addicted and trust me; i know how fucking difficult it is to see a single ray of light or goodness while you are struggling aroung in the gutters for weeks on end and really hating every single fucking second of your existance and death sounds so amazing but youre actually more worried about where your next hit will come from or you try to OD but realize you still have a hit for later so death is not a option or even nodding way too fucking deep and hitting your chest to get a heartbeat, jump up...water, ice, cold, run and slap the shit out of yourself but you wanted to die about 10 times today already but anyway - how amazing this thing we call addiction but anyway. So now you really have to shift your focus from all that shit to how amazing it is to be(not want to be but is) clean and healthy and even if you can just focus on how amazing it is to be clean and healthy for 30sec then youve started opening that energy vortex in your life and over time from constantly focussing on the good part(take my word for it)it shifts and the change starts. Its actually fucking crazy if you think about it cause you are so constantly consumed by all this negativity that you dont realize that your life is getting worse and worse cause of your negativity thats consuming you and just dragging you down deeper and deeper. You have to step out of it, its much easier thn what you might think it is. By constantly meddling in how shit it is and not doing anything about it we atrract it more and more. By loving yourself more and more the less harm you will attract to yourself and then when you get to loving yourself unconditionally you cant even believe it was a problem. The final let go is hard and tricky cause its a pattern that needs letting go of but its dooable. Love, love and more love. I mean...APPARENTLY i have depression and im bi-polar and i hve some syndrome where my brainsignals misfire, lots of medication and years later its nothing? By focussing on and feeding in it gets worse anything and everything. Psychiatry is the biggest money making scam out there and thats it. There is NO test for a chemical imbalance in anyones fucking brain, they name it, you feed into it meds and all and youre fucked. Big black dick up the arse, no lube, nowhere to hold on to just plain fucked. Now that im off all meds and i think straight i can see how out of it, fucked, medicated and miserable i constantly was(maybe i enjoyd it? Even the misery) Try it - you have nothing to lose? And im not selling the secret here and im not a student of the law of attraction but this really works cause unfortunately the law of attraction is on of the seven laws of the universe...


'Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it(even addiction).'

Confucius

11:11 another what the fuck

11:11 mysterious fucking time, why? I dont know? Lets see; every morning thats the time i randomly look at the clock, had a bike accident at 11:11 on a sunday morning, a car accident one saturday morning also the first time in my life i got knocked out but before i hit the windsreen i got a severe and hectic case of dejavu and then time, windscreen, metal-taste in mouth and out fucking cold, ill be riding along and looking into a car and on the clock...ta-da 11:11, i mean what the fuck? 12 strand DNA activation? starseed wakeup call? I really dont have a fucking clue but i know if i dont see it in a day then its an achievement - maybe im stubborn or just fast asleep, i dont know, actually i dont know much these days. I know alot is changing, weird stuff happening, acid flashbacks? Holes in my brain from all the meth? Paranoid from too much columbian marching powder or just plain fucked up of all the H? I actually dont know? I know the fullmoon really fucks me up harder and harder everytime round, i know i can look deep into myself and have these memories of different times and places, sometimes faint and sometimes in HD right here, taste, smell and so real you think you can touch. It probably sounds fuck korny and hectically paranoid - one of those illuminati is chacing me read one too many conspiracy theories and chowed way too much fuckin acid. Strange fucking days...

'We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.'

Buddha

The lie we call life

How does one keep sane if you know evrything youve ever been taught is a fucking lie, that you actually have to go and look for the truth is scary but when it comes to you its sooo fucking liberating. Hey man, look on th bright side...it only took 20 years of addiction to get here, and heres where the problem comes in...anyone educated in the system that hears that will say im fried from all the button smoking, freebasing, scharfing coke, mdma, lsd, magic mushrooms, shooting h, sniffing glue, ganja, meth and everything that gives a buzz(sorry i had to give them more evidence to say im fucked or fried) but i know whats going on inside me, i can feel the emotional cleansing, it literally feels like layers of negativity being pulled out or off me, then tired as hell - fall asleep, wake up, feel like a million bucks and a new person. The change is sorta like the change you go through when you trip, come down, cry, wanna kill everyone, wanna kill yourself, wanna kill yourself again, eventually fall asleep and wake up, that same change BUT only with a deeper understanding. Snotty nose, full moon fucks me up harder than normal but so does no moon - GOD u cant win. First learning to love unconditionally than letting go of hate, then fear, getting understanding, and the way i see and feel about the world is changing more and more as im changing with everything i learn and understand. Alone? Yes! Difficult? Definately! Worth it? You dont understand! So amazing to love yourself, feel the balance in your chakras and life and loving every second of the experience just dreading those cleaning phases. Much faster and closer toghether as at the beginning and the cleansing part actually shook my body lastnight like a heroin cold turkey an then? I saw my soul, my real self not the reflection of me emotions that manifest in the 3rd dimention that i see when i look in th mirror, the whole thing, beauty, love and understanding, amazing and aweinspiring. Letting go of everything just makes you lighter and the world so much brighter...crazy but amazing!!

'none but ourself can free our minds'

Bob Marley - Redemtion song